Jayme's Latest Adventure

For those of you who don’t know anything about getting a colonoscopy, the night before you get one you spend a lot of the time in the bathroom “cleansing your guts” and you don’t get a lot of sleep. We had to be at the hospital at 7 am so we left our house about 6:40. They boys were staying at the house by themselves and we took Pattie with us. We got to the Endoscopy Center and Jayme signed in. It wasn’t very long until they called him back to have his procedure. I wasn’t sure how long it was going to be before he would be done. At about 9:15 they came out and got me and Pattie (she had spent most of the time pretending to be a puppy) and we went to the recovery area where Jayme was just starting to come around from the anesthesia. This is the day I learned that Fentanyl + Versed =FUN TIMES!!!
I could tell that Jayme was totally out of it when I saw him. The discharge nurse said that as soon as Jayme “expelled some air” he could have a drink and then we could leave. Jayme woke up confused but when the nurse asked him how he was feeling he said, “I feel like me and Jose Cuervo just had a tangle!” That was the Fentanyl talking! He asked me what time it was and I told him it was 9:20. The nurse came back and told him again about needing to “expel air” before he could go home. Jayme looked at me and with the most confused expression he could muster asked, “WHAT do I have to do?” Choking back my laughter, I said, “Honey, you have to FART before we can go home.” Relief flooded his face and he said, “Oh, okay. I can do that!” And do that he did a few minutes later; a long, slow, loud creeper that would have made any man proud. Pattie’s face lit up and she said, “Oh dear!”
Have I mentioned how hard I was trying to keep from laughing? So the nurse came back in and I told him we had some “air” so he brought Jayme some juice. Then the doctor came in with the preliminary results from the test. Bottom line, everything was normal and we don’t have to worry about it anymore. Jayme was awake when the doctor was there. We both asked the doctor questions and were ready to go home. Then Jayme’s eyes glazed over again. He asked when the doctor was going to come in. I told him the doctor had just left and restated that the test results were all normal. Then he asked what time it was. I told him it was 9:20. I had no idea what time it really was by this point and every few minutes when he asked me what time it was I just went with 9:20.
Now that he had something to drink he could get dressed and go home. It took some maneuvering on my part to get him back into his clothes (I’m much better at taking them off--- hahahaha) but once he had them on they brought in a wheelchair to take him out in. When he stood up, he made a face, grabbed his guts and said, “Oh, man! What did they do to me?” The nurse explained that part of the test is inflating your intestine with air and that the more he “expels air” the better he will feel. Then Jayme said, “I guess my boys will get to pull my finger all afternoon then, huh?” That must have been the Versed!
Once we got home, he slept most of the day but every time he woke up he would ask me what time it was (9:20 hahahaha) then he’d ask about the test results and it sure made me feel good to be able to tell him that he’s just fine. By the evening he was pretty coherent and even talked to a few folks on the phone. He remembers the test starting and trying to watch. He remembers the wheelchair he rode out in was red. He remembers getting out of the truck at our house. And he remembers watching “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” with me in our room during the afternoon.
We never really admitted to each other just how worried we were. I feel like a black cloud has been lifted from our house and we didn’t even know it was there. Tonight in Chaosville, we are embracing good news.